Examination... #$%^

          Damn... Examination sure is making my life hard... Won't be updating my blog any sooner... Anyway... I get a new puppy from one of my friend called Mag.. The puppy is awesomely cute... But very naughty and active.. X).. My family named it London.. Hahas... I wonder what will be next? Holland? New York? Haha... It's midnight now... Gotta sleep... Still left 2 weeks of examination.. Gosh...

I had found my hope once again..

         It's been a hard day today... I went to school late due to some family problems... Almost all my friends are having they're accounts examination.. Slept till recess... Mood is kinda down because I just lost one of my family member...


          Went back home without saying much...


          Having cold war with her for quite some time now... I changed my link.. She changed hers too...


          Told her I'm not feeling well... My headache is hurting me for 1 week by now...


          She cares about me... She message me every now and then.. But all I gave her was cold replies..


          Went home after tuition ends... I told her I wanna have a chat with her by the phone... She says yes.. And I called...


          I tell her everything that's hurting me... She's a very good listener... She hardly interrupt when I'm talking.. And giving me comments when she is needed to..


          It's been quite awhile since I can talk to her like that... I felt... So peaceful now... Thanks for letting me talk to you... This is the first time you had answered my phone... And I will never forget about today.. Thank you my soon-to-be-girlfriend... Carmen Too... =]

Rest in peace Paris...

          I'm sorry for mistreating you as a master... I'm sorry I din't bring you out for a walk every time when I'm free... I'm sorry for not giving you enough love... I'm really sorry for everything I've done Paris.... I should have take care of you since you're pregnant... But... I din't... My family killed your whole family...


                  May your soul rest in peace... Amen...

I really want to talk to you...

          I really hope you can hear out what I am gonna say... But I guess it's impossible for you to listen to others... So... I'm just gonna write it out and hope you will see and think about it..


          First of all... Don't judge a book by it's cover.. I may be childish on the outside.. But do you really think that I'm childish on the inside too? The one who judged others, will be judge by others too.. That's why I'm not gonna judge anything about your personality..

          Second... Do you know it really hurts me by saying:"We are just friends."? We are more than that.. And I knew you know it too...

          Third... Why are you changing your MSN personal message? You had changed it 3 times already.. And it's still almost the same every time.. I really had no idea what are you trying to do...

          Forth... If I'm not me... I'm Shun Kin or Yew Khang.. Will you too treat me the same way..?

          I really wanted to tell you why am I upset yesterday this morning... And i really want to make up with you... To tell the truth.. The Mantao that I'm going to give you this morning is my breakfast... When I'm done steaming the bun... I suddenly remember that I din't make breakfast for you for quite some time... And you're throat is still not yet fully healed... So.. I din't care about myself and bring it to you... And.. You rejected it.. Saying you don't eat bun...

          The whole day you've hardly looked at me... I'm just always wondering.. What place am I in your heart? Am I really just a normal friend to you as you said? Did you lost interest in me?

Tuesday~!

          Went on with my daily morning routine as usual~
-Go to school early
-Wait for my soon-to-be-girlfriend
-Have a chat with her


          Anyway.. Saw something in the morning that makes me insanely happy today.. She was wearing a necklace.. With the ring I gave her for our 3rd month on Sept (I din't mean to spy on your.. Erm.. Neck.. Saw it by accident!).. She hasn't forgot about the ring at all.. Hahas... Happii~!


          Skip a few class (I think I skipped almost all of them. LOL.), went in class specially for my English lesson.. Have a mini exam of essay... Wrote some crap.. And passed it up... X.X


          After school.. Went home with a good friend of mine that stays near my house, before she went inside her house, she gave me my belated birthday present! Hahaha! As soon as I reached home, I look at the present, there is even a few so-called 'rules' on it!!


          I read the rules one by one...

Step 1: Open one layer at a time. (Okay, no problem)
Step 2: Read every white note. (Okay.. o.O)
Step 3: Obey 2 rules above. (ROLF!)

          So as rule 1,2 and 3 said, I open slowly and carefully. First layer was off and there is a second and a third, and a fourth, and a fifth, and a sixth, and continue on~


          There is a short note written every layer.. Here goes~

Layer 2: By the time you see newspaper as wrappers, I'm sure you know what's going to happen. =P (Huh? What's going to happen? I have no idea.. O.O)
Layer 3: Hey! Don't forget to open one layer at a time. Don't cheat. (Aww man! She read my head!)
Layer 4: Okay, now, start guessing what's inside.
              Its either-
              a) a notebook (Thats dumb >.<)
              b) pens (That's even dumber XP)
              c) A keychain (Omg?)
Layer 5: Keep guessing....
             *Don't hate me. =) ( Don't worry, I won't. XD)
Layer 6: Ok, ok, this is the last layer.
Layer 7: Oops! Forgot about this layer. Haha! Keep going!
Layer 8: Happy Belated Birthday Romex!
              I hope you find my present useful. =)

          FINALLY! I open the final layer and dum dumm dummm dummmm~! A wristband from Nike! Hahaha... I give my thanks to her and continue checking it out.. Oh my... I had never use a wristband before.. When should I use it? I have no idea at all... Haha.. But thanks anyway Tracy! XD

Few minutes later~

          Lols....


          Went to tuition at the wrong time... And took 30 mins to walk back.... Damn.. That's tiring... And there is still tuition later at 7.45pm... Lord Jesus give me strenght!!

Monday~!

          It's been quite a hard day for me today. I went to school early as usual, waited there for my soon-to-be girlfriend (HAHAHAHA!) Carmen Too. She came not long after that, and she make me look dumb again.. Haha.. On my right, there is a couple chatting non stop. On my left, She's chatting with another friend of hers.. I've tried to go into the conversation with them but.. She kinda shush me away by say 'nothing'... =(..


          Oh well~ Nevertheless, my headache is almost KILLING me.. My brain felt like liquid in my head since last Friday (when my friends of 4 Cengal took a shower for me). IT HURTS SO MUCH BY JUST SHAKING MY HEAD!!! Been skipping class for almost the whole day.. Can't fell asleep due to the headache.. School day is such a mess today... >.<...

          And whats more.. I went to the class of my to-be-girlfriend.. She treat me as I was invisible... And I was kinda sad because of that.. D=...


          The day was awesomely hot.. Walked back alone, almost fainted half way home (LOL, Joking~).. I took a shower when I had chilled, came out, saw a message from her that makes me smile. =D..


          We message for quite awhile, she said that her aunt today isn't cooking, and she's eating fruit as her lunch!!! Boo her aunt!!! She told me she's having a sore throat too!! Poor thing,.. And she's gonna eat Maggie if she's not full.. And I ain't going to let that happen! In order to stop her from eating Maggie, I've somehow made a promise that I will buy what  she wanted to eat when her throat healed..


          Life is kinda changing for me I guess.. Hope it will change more to the better side.. ^^

First time to church!

          Guess what? Today's my first time going to church. I'm serious! And the church is sooo out of my imagination!!!!


          Because I din't even go to any church before in my life, I thought the church I'm going is as same as those in the movie. BUT! It isn't the same AT ALL!


          They have this rock band and stage, my gosh! Its seriously so cool! Wish I could go there every Sat and Sun. Sadly.. My dad's kinda anti - Christian or something. Every time I told him something related to Christ, he'll get mad for unknown reason. I mean, come on! It's 2010 and soon 2011! Be open minded!


           Well.. I had to wake up as early as 9am (actually not quite early) to get my self prepared this morning and waited for Thomas to come and get me to the church. While waiting, I send some greetings to Carmen saying good morning and some sort, AND SHE ONLY REPLY ME BACK AT 3pm! ROAR!! BAD GIRL! D=...


          Hmm, so far, life as a Christian is kinda fun and cool. As far as I know, every Christian I saw is friendly. When I said friendly, I MEAN IT! They are like, over friendly! They talk to me as they talk to a family member. And it's kinda warm.. =P


          Thomas father fetch me back at 1pm, have a little chat with him about Christ, man, he's very friendly too!


          Yeah! School day again tomorrow! Starting to miss you all of a sudden. Hehes.. Meet ya there tomorrow Carmen Too.. =)

Wish granted?

          Thank you Lord for hearing my prayers...

           I've been forgiven by her.Whats more, we've made a pact that we'll be couple in the future.

           If you're thinking how childish I am, then you're wrong.

          This could be a chance for me to know her well, and I'm gonna appreciate this chance well...

          Although we are not yet couple, we will still watch, care and even stand for each others, I can feel it. Am I right Carmen?

           I shall wait.. Till the day comes.. God bless me.. =)

The day when I finally hit 16...

          Thank you everyone for your wishing and gifts... Specially those who gave me cakes and presents... I thank you all for everything...


          There is so much thing I want to say... But yet, I don't quite know how to express it... I'm happy but sad too... There is so many things going around on my birthday.... Too many things....


           Thank you 4 Cengal for taking a 'shower' for me!

           Thank you everyone of my brothers and sisters in school that wishes me!

           Thank you Nicholast for bringing me out to celebrate my birthday with all of the cell buddies!

           Thank you every cell buddies of mine!

           Thank you Romeo for your cake and Barney for your present.. Love it! PikaPika!! ^^

           Thank you dad for your red egg, ang pao, and leaving me alone in the house.....

           Thank you sis for leaving me alone in the house too.....

Last but not least - Carmen Too

Thank you for your home-made cake and present.

Its very nice of you.

Will my wish ever be granted?
Will you ever forgive me?
Will we ever be together again?
We'll see about that.. 

Last day of my 15th...

          Well... Today is my very last day of being 15... Time only goes forward... But not backward.. So.. I'm wondering is there anything I need to do before I'm 16? 

          A friend of mine from Facebook and tuition center had just told me something that is worth doing.. And that is apologize to those that I've hurt on my 15th year... 

          I am sorry to all the people that I've hurt... May it be males or females.. I'm truly sorry for being such a jackass...


          And of course, the main person that had been hurt by me - Carmen Too Kah Mun have the choice to not forgive me and all... May god bless her and everyone else.. Amen..

Everything... (4)

          I've said so many things that'll be hurting her like spreading salt on a wound... I.... Even said she's nothing to me... I've started to spread nonsense around... In school, facebook... Everywhere... But due to her limited time online... She din't know a single thing about it.....

          And one fine day... She finally saw everything that I've been writing on Facebook... E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G... I thought nothing will go wrong... Until I found out her blog that write every feeling she felt in the blog (www.loveromex.blogspot.com)..... Her blog almost answer every single (hows and whys in my brain)...

Why din't she looked at me when i passed her the 'folio' she had asked me to do?

It's only just because she don't know how would she face me anymore... When I broke up with her... I remember I've said some words that will carve into the mind of hers... "I fear you more than I love you".....

Why did she gave me the herbal tea?

Because she cares about me so deeply that no one else understood what is she doing.. My mom went to USA for a long time holiday. And no ones at home most of the time. My diet soon become very unhealthy as I always ate or order things from outside... She's afraid that one fine day I may become sick due to the unhealthy food I'm taking.. And thats why she gave me the herbal tea... It is not a thank you present.. For it is a gift with 'I Care For You' sign on it that I'm so blind that I cant even notice...

          I get those answers from her old post... But her new post... Is all about hating me and all..

          By that very second... My anger dissolved, and turns into sadness... She's always there for me... Why din't I knew it?! WHY?! ALL I KNOW WAS COMPLAINING!! WHY AM I SO DUMB FOR LETTING HER GO?! WHY GOD DAMN IT!!!!

          I went into a state of despair... My soul slipping out through me slowly but surely... But Lord Jesus had save me from the most miserable day of my life.. He had guide me through that very day by answering me by the bible... And because of that.. I'm a christian now...

          There's still many things left unexplained.. But I will explain soon.. If you ask for it..

           If I ask myself again...Do I still love you? The answer will be -

                                 Yes.. I do...

            Do I regret for doing those things?

                                  Yes.. I do...

             Do I wish for a second chance?

                                  Yes.. I do...

               But, do I deserve a second chance?

                                  The answer shall be in your hands....  

Everything... (3)

          Days went by... And everything single thing that she did was ended up having me hating her more and more and more.. Heres one of those things:



          On one fine Tuesday night, I wanted to gave up on hating her, so I start start being friendly to her. I left her a sit next to me (where she would usually seat) and waited with a smile. The moment she came in and move towards me, I smiled at her, and pretend to look at the front, waiting.. waiting... and waiting.... "Why is her seat still empty?" I wondered. I turned to her, and saw her asking to switch place with a friend of her behind me (which he refuse to). When her friend rejected to switch place with her, there is this look on her face, which seem to be "Shit.. Why am I suppose to sit with you..".


          I stand up slowly.
          I packed my stuff.
          And I move towards the empty lot in front...
          Alone.
        

          Tears seem to oozed out of my eyes almost instantly when I sat down. Those are not tears of sadness, those are tears of anger... I offered her a place to sit, why can't she just accept it, and be happy with it? Why must she do this to me? I've surrender and wanted to be friends with her, why can't she just forgive me? And of all words I can think of, the best to describe her by that moment, is childish.


          After sitting there for a few minutes, I finally realize why aren't there people sitting at the front lot at all... Reason? Simple, ITS FREEZING..


          Nothing seems to go into my brain that day (what do you expect when your brain is half frozen and another half is thinking madly about hating her?). I went back home without saying anything. And guess what? I started cursing her on Facebook with everything I can think of. I've gain many support from many of my friends, saying she's no good for me, saying she's not worth of my time. And the hatred within me grew on....


          She din't seem to quite realize about all the cursing about her the next day. She gave me a bottle of herbal tea by saying 'thank you' without looking at me again. Seeing her makes me feel revolting and mad, but still, I accept the herbal tea with open heart, not because she gave me that, it's simply just because I SHOULD BE GETTING IT, why waste if you can drink? Isn't? One of my friend even said:"Come on... Giving leftover to others isn't a way of saying 'thank you'.." I laugh at his simple 'joke'..

Everything... (2)

          Here goes the next day.....


          I woke up early in the morning to prepare for school as usual, takes a 20mins bath, wash and brush up. Have a few toast to fuel up my energy, and walk to school with those 10~16 'folio' papers (that she asked for) in my file, hoping everything will end well and everyone will be happy. But sadly it just dint work out as I expected..


          Of course, I dint go straight to her and gave her those papers, because I know it will make me look amazingly stupid for I cant even finish this simple task that I said I can. Imagine I took the few pieces of papers, giving her and say


"Heres your 'folio'."

Stare at the papers...
"Huh? Where's the others?"

"Oh, my dad said it's too much for him to print, so I'm asking my friend to print it out for me for you!"


          Bet her brain would tell her to ask help from others instead of me, I mean, look at me, I cant even print 40 papers! So, in order to prevent this 'awkward tragedy' from happening in the first place, I must plan carefully not to let her know that I seek help from others, and I must wait patiently for that person to deliver the 40 papers to me.


          Half an hour zoom past me, and my savior(Chin Jun Hao) arrived! After getting those papers away from the eyesight of her friends, I pay him Rm5 (which is quite reasonable for asking a person to print 40 pages past midnight), arranged it neatly, and made it look like I'm doing all the work.


          I walk cheerfully towards her when the dumb boring assembly ends, and hoping for one of those 'thank you version' we usually see in Anime (hugs and kisses and lots of foolish stuff only i can imagine).


          But guess what I get from her? A thank you (of course), WITHOUT LOOKING AT ME! It pissed me straight into my bones. Whats wrong saying 'thank you' by looking at the one you are thanking? I've beg others to do your job, and you shown not even the slightest gratitude? I went speechless and storm towards my class. And for that very moment, I hate her.....

Everything... (1)

          I am very grateful that Lord Jesus forgive all my sin when I first became a christian.. And that will be 2 days ago on 1st of October.. Although Lord had forgiven me... I'm still not able to forgive myself... Lord gave everything that is good for me... And yet... I pushed it all away with a single swipe... I really hope she will be happy now and always... I don't mind that she's hating me... I should be hated... The things i did to her is inhuman... But... She still cares for me... Yesterday... 2nd of October, was the birthday of Eunice, one of my true friend... She called us to all to go Sunway with her... And I go without hesitation...

          A few days before, when I was still in a relationionship with her.

"Hey, your birthday is near, what do you want for your present? =D "

"Hmmm.. Being together with you is the best present ever! X) " 

"Okay, lets go out on 2nd of October?"

"I guess that'll be alright.. Where to?"

"Sunway!"

"But isn't that day the birthday of Eunice?"

"Omg? Is it? Then? You celebrate with her?"

"Not sure about that.. But I think I should stick with your plan sweetheart! =P"

          And things started to go wrong... Really wrong... I ended up broking up with her in the midnight... I made a foolish decision in a fury... But of course.. I end up regretting the next day... But things changed... I tried to repair our broken relationship... Our school has this thing call "folio".. It's kind of a project that can make your examination result sky rocket or "the other way".. And I can promise you that you don't want "the other way".. She finally done it after quite some time.. And guess what? She don't have a printer and needed someone to help her...

       I quickly offered my help as I though it's only just a few paper... And after some talking.. She accepted it! The feeling of being needed by someone you love and care is... "Wonderful".. After sending the projects to me via MSN... I happily asked my  father to print it out for me (I don't know how to use a printer).. The moment my father open the file.. He gave me the kind of stare that said :"Are you serious?".. I wonder whats wrong... So I look at the bottom (where my father is pointing) of the opened file... 1/40... "What's that?" I ask innocently.. "This is only the first page of the 40 pages.."

          "Oh..." I choked out.. "Isn't this a little too much? And there's still a few files there.." and he went to click the remaining file... The feeling of relieve flow through me, as those remaining files were just only a few page.. Maybe 10~16 I guess... 

           Dad printed out the 10~16 papers and grunted:"Son.. 10~16 is okay... But.. Don't you think that 40 is a little too much?" I knew when the moment he said that.. Anymore begging will be no use at all.. But I've promised her that I'll be giving her the papers by tomorrow!!! I CAN'T GIVE UP THAT EASILY!!! I went and search through my MSN contacts... Most of them were off because its 11 PM, and tomorrow is a school day... A sudden though chill down my bone, "will she be mad at me because I din't did what i promised to? Will she think that I'm doing this just to mess up her life?"

         And at that moment.. I saw a friend of mine that live quite near to my house, Chin Jun Hao, online. I quickly beg him to print the 40 pages for me. Without hesitation, he agreed to help me although his mother is nagging him non stop to get to bed. And because of that, the promise i made was not broken...