Everything... (4)

          I've said so many things that'll be hurting her like spreading salt on a wound... I.... Even said she's nothing to me... I've started to spread nonsense around... In school, facebook... Everywhere... But due to her limited time online... She din't know a single thing about it.....

          And one fine day... She finally saw everything that I've been writing on Facebook... E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G... I thought nothing will go wrong... Until I found out her blog that write every feeling she felt in the blog (www.loveromex.blogspot.com)..... Her blog almost answer every single (hows and whys in my brain)...

Why din't she looked at me when i passed her the 'folio' she had asked me to do?

It's only just because she don't know how would she face me anymore... When I broke up with her... I remember I've said some words that will carve into the mind of hers... "I fear you more than I love you".....

Why did she gave me the herbal tea?

Because she cares about me so deeply that no one else understood what is she doing.. My mom went to USA for a long time holiday. And no ones at home most of the time. My diet soon become very unhealthy as I always ate or order things from outside... She's afraid that one fine day I may become sick due to the unhealthy food I'm taking.. And thats why she gave me the herbal tea... It is not a thank you present.. For it is a gift with 'I Care For You' sign on it that I'm so blind that I cant even notice...

          I get those answers from her old post... But her new post... Is all about hating me and all..

          By that very second... My anger dissolved, and turns into sadness... She's always there for me... Why din't I knew it?! WHY?! ALL I KNOW WAS COMPLAINING!! WHY AM I SO DUMB FOR LETTING HER GO?! WHY GOD DAMN IT!!!!

          I went into a state of despair... My soul slipping out through me slowly but surely... But Lord Jesus had save me from the most miserable day of my life.. He had guide me through that very day by answering me by the bible... And because of that.. I'm a christian now...

          There's still many things left unexplained.. But I will explain soon.. If you ask for it..

           If I ask myself again...Do I still love you? The answer will be -

                                 Yes.. I do...

            Do I regret for doing those things?

                                  Yes.. I do...

             Do I wish for a second chance?

                                  Yes.. I do...

               But, do I deserve a second chance?

                                  The answer shall be in your hands....